Abandoning waterlogged meeting ‘for wimps’ says crazy b*stard manager

Scutter Park manager blasts calls to abandon waterlogged meeting as ‘wimpish bullsh*t’

While basking sharks are swimming upsides the grandstand windows, Scutter Park’s general manager - former army Captain Gareth Timms – has slammed calls to abandon the waterlogged meeting as a load of ‘f*cking wimps’.

"If the men in my regiment even so much as complain about the weather, its heavy log lifting punishment - over their heads, 20 times.

“I’m sitting in a 3 foot stream of water in my office. It’s up to my waist and I’m wearing just my underpants and a snorkel. And that's just for fun!

“Get your swimming trunks on and get those f*cking horses on that track!” yelled Captain Timms.

Trainer Maxwell Benson, who had runners at today’s meeting, said: “It’s the end of the world - the Great Deluge has arrived, but that crazy bastard Timms told us racing goes ahead because horses can swim.

• Trainers paid by bookmakers fretting over compulsory period costumes

“The racecourse management team put it down to him being a hard, ex-army leader, but I put it down to him being a f*cking lunatic.”

7-year-old Gelding, Jimmy Jumpsuit, last year’s Scutter Novices’ Hurdle winner said: “Nonesense! We have stacks of fun splashing around.

"If they didn't chuck me out the swimming pool walker at home, I'd sleep in it.

“My dream job is at one of those water parks, giving the nod to swimmers going down the slides.

"Let’s race damn it!”

Don't Miss

Pundit Win Celebrations ‘not sh*t at all’ says idiot

New pawnbroker bookies offer cashless betting

Stallion tells visitors to “piss off and let me sleep”