Tipsters
Tipster suddenly ‘international racing expert’
With lockdown causing his income to drop, Twitter tipster Gareth Timms now believes he is the dog’s b*llocks on international racing.
Timms said: “It’s easy: harness racing is basically Ascot with wheels.
“Yesterday I didn’t know my arse from my elbow on any foreign rubbish. I’d have punched you in the face if you told me they had racing in Sweden.
“Now I’m tipping horses from parts of the world I’ve never heard of and talk about speed figures like I know what one is. Although…I swear Happy Valley is made up.”
Although he can't pronounce any of the jockeys’ names, Timms talks confidently about American racing form like he has a clue.
“Will Rogers? A doddle. Fonner? Absolutely smashing it, so please keep sending your subscription money.
Punter Ralph Bonaparte said: “Gareth’s sent out some of the worst tips imaginable.
“You know, something tells me Gareth's not the expert he says he is. He's still brags about a 3rd placed tip at Gulfstream, (when there were only three runners) and he still calls Jagersro ‘Jaegerbomb’, not in an ironic way.
“I’ll struggle to make the £28,000 tax free income he promised when I signed up.”
Timms’ grandmother Prudence says: “Gareth’s a whizz on computers and is spends hours photoshopping his bets for his thousands of internet friends.
“I wish he’d move out of my basement and find a job.”
You Might Like
Apprentice jockey dreams of first winner at 58
Man tries to bet with Nectar Points
Losing punter blows up betting shop toilet
‘Betting shop closures a disaster’ says bookmaker who just bought new kitchen
B*stard calls 7 false starts
‘I have magical photo-finish powers’ says liar checking Betfair for 1.01
Bookmaker makes PPE out of Betting Slips
Man scoops jackpot after putting cheese slices into roulette machine
Steward confirms ‘explanation noted’ means ‘f*ck off’
Odds Wanker’s Second Favourites Last – Again
‘Winning money is easy’ says total f*ckin romancer
Betting shop obliterated by CHIMP
Bookmaker arrested for turning dog kennel into betting shop
Bookmaker hid in problem gambler’s shed
Criminal scared of horses sentenced to job as White Flag Man
Grandad who ran over bookmaker with MOBILITY SCOOTER spared jail
Deranged gambler who played ‘punishment roulette’ with bookmaker walks free
-
Betting2 years ago
Man scoops jackpot after putting cheese slices into roulette machine
-
Racing2 years agoSteward confirms ‘explanation noted’ means ‘f*ck off’
-
Odds Wanker2 years agoOdds Wanker’s Second Favourites Last – Again
-
Punters2 years ago
‘Winning money is easy’ says total f*ckin romancer
-
Betting Shops2 years ago
Betting shop obliterated by CHIMP
-
Betting2 years agoBetting blog ‘bullsh*t warnings’ have no effect
-
Betting Shops2 years agoBookmaker refuses to pay man until he draws Bayeux Tapestry
-
Bookmakers2 years agoDeranged gambler who played ‘punishment roulette’ with bookmaker walks free