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All posts tagged "crime"

Talking Scutter

Bastard calls 7 false starts Bastard calls 7 false starts
Uncategorized7 days ago

B*stard calls 7 false starts

Awkward b*stard outdoes himself calling 7 false starts in 2-mile hurdle. Racing at Scutter Park wouldn’t be the same without...

‘I have magical photo-finish powers’ says liar checking Betfair for 1.01 ‘I have magical photo-finish powers’ says liar checking Betfair for 1.01
Uncategorized2 weeks ago

‘I have magical photo-finish powers’ says liar checking Betfair for 1.01

Man who told betting shop he won millions on photo finishes with psychic abilities, definitely full of sh*t. Unemployed betting...

Bookmaker makes PPE out of Betting Slips Bookmaker makes PPE out of Betting Slips
Bookmakers4 weeks ago

Bookmaker makes PPE out of Betting Slips

Gravesend bookie uses Goliath betting slips to craft snazzy COVID face mask. With face coverings compulsory for England’s shoppers as...

Bellend now essential characteristic for stewarding job Bellend now essential characteristic for stewarding job
Stewards4 weeks ago

Stewarding job only open to bellends

New rules mean only bellends can apply for jobs as stewards. Stewards at Scutter Park are the first racecourse in...

Vegans pelt betting shop with COW PATS Vegans pelt betting shop with COW PATS
Betting Shops1 month ago

Vegans pelt betting shop with COW PATS

Gravesend betting shop pelted with cow pats then burned to the ground by vegan protestoers after ‘Free hamburger with every bet’ giveaway...

“I’ll never go back to toilet roll” says man wiping arse with betting slips “I’ll never go back to toilet roll” says man wiping arse with betting slips
Betting Shops1 month ago

“I’ll never go back to toilet roll” says man wiping arse with BETTING SLIPS

Bookies ban punter stealing betting slips to use as toilet roll substitute Costco Warehouse Operative, Gareth Timms knows a good...

Lost city of Atlantis sank when Bookmakers blew it up Lost city of Atlantis sank when Bookmakers blew it up
Exclusive1 month ago

Bookmakers blew up lost city of Atlantis

Legendary city of Atlantis housed beautiful racecourse where all favs won, so bookmakers blew it up to make way for...

Trainer banned for giving horse Monster Munch Trainer banned for giving horse Monster Munch
Racecourses1 month ago

Trainer banned for giving horse Monster Munch

Failed dope test reveals horse’s addiction to pickled onion-flavoured snacks Trainer Alf Archer has been charged by Scutter Park stewards...

Bookmakers2 months ago

Bookmaker KILLED plane hijacker ‘DB Cooper’ when he won Forecast treble at Sittingbourne

‘DB Cooper cleaned up at Sittingbourne dogs so I pushed him out of plane’, says bookmaker. The 45-year-old mystery of...

Bookmakers share 97% DNA with Frilled Lizards Bookmakers share 97% DNA with Frilled Lizards
Bookmakers2 months ago

Bookmakers share 97% DNA with Frilled Lizards

Bookmakers need reclassifying as new species after latest research shows layers share 97% of their genetic material with FRILLED LIZARDS....

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