Supermarkets to prevent punters from buying groceries

Described as the ‘final frontier’ in obliterating winners, the deal will employ more than 2,500 new people to operate their new systems and create a global database of ‘bastards’.

Facial Recognition

A £300 million investment in facial recognition infrastructure has been approved by Mugbet to give the supermarkets the ability to recognise winners with AI.

While betting shops have distributed images of winning punters taken via their in-house CCTV, a manager or cashier had to spot the person in the flesh, allowing many to ‘slip though the net’.

Keith Vim, Mugbet spokesman said: “Winning punters will have their ugly mugs zapped by a laser as they walk through the supermarket door.”

“Before they’ve even got to the sausage rolls, a security guard will twist their ears, push them about and give them a good duffing up in the toilet.”

“Money well spent.”

Don't Miss

Pundits’ brains zapped with electricity to talk b*ollocks all day

Non-triers and swerving jockeys to spice up virtual racing

Tipster chased by violent crowd after abysmal selections

Punter flummoxed by friendly betting shop staff

Area 51 to host Secret UK Barrier Trials