Connect with us

Jockey

Bookmaker, trainer and jockey’s 3-way sex romp in HORSE BOX

Published

on

Trainer and jockey caught with their bookmaker boss in steamy sex romp in back of HORSE BOX.

A bookmaker whipped both the trainer and jockey he sponsors, naked – except for the bridle and cheek pieces they wore – during a 3-way sex romp in the back of a HORSE BOX.

The trio – trainer Alf Archer, jockey Maxwell Benson and bookmaker Keith Vim – were said to have been getting intimate in the back of racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit’s trailer.

Downplaying the scandal, Mugbet’s head of communications Dik Venom said: “This is a simple misunderstanding; our brand ambassadors were showing Keith how to ‘tack up’.

Asked why they were naked, Venom replied: “Do you know how hot it is in there? Just right for horses, but sweltering for men in suits.”

Rumbled

The randy racing threesome was rumbled by stable boy Gareth Timms, who went to fetch his packed lunch from the horse box he travels and sleeps in.

Stunned Timms, 19, immediately alerted race day stewards, racing officials and racecourse security – all of whom are also paid by Mugbet.

Quick to cover for their sponsors, the racecourse staff said ‘move along, nothing to see here’.

But a racegoer alerted the police after seeing bookmaker Keith Vim punch stable boy Timms and drag him unconscious into the straw-filled love wagon.

X-Rated

It is understood the executive team chucked the lusty lovers out of the track after the local authorities caught wind of their X-rated activities.

Trainer Archer and jockey Benson were unavailable for comment, while stable boy Timms has not been seen since the incident.

Horse, Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “It’s disgusting what trainers and jockeys have to do for cash these days.”

Don’t Miss
Bookmakers shoot down in-running drones with rocket launchers
Horse-fearing criminals to work as White Flag Men
Help for Shed-Dwelling Gambler who Downsized 16 times
Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Jockey

Bookies pelt naked jockeys with horse MANURE

Published

on

professional jockeys pelted naked with horse manure by bookmakers in betting ambassador initiation ceremony
‘Betting ambassador initiation got a bit out of hand’ say bookmaking chiefs who pelted naked pro jockeys with horse MANURE.

Jockeys Alf Archer and Tarquin Bibby were admitted as Mugbet’s new betting ambassadors after 20 bookmaking chiefs pelted them naked with clumps of horse manure in a secret initiation ceremony.

However, a local resident caught the embarrassing ‘hazing’ scenes on camera in an Aldi carpark.

Returning from a shopping trip on her mobility scooter, Mavis Tibbs, 79, and her daughter Prudence, 53, were horrified to see the naked riders pursued across the adjacent field by a jeep of ‘suited spivs in trilbies’.

Dirty Secret

While commercial partnerships allow professional riders or trainers to be paid by a bookmaker in return for blog or promotional material, the ritual initiation to the programmes has always been kept secret.

Mrs Tibbs said: “These poor lads were stark bollock naked trying to take shelter from the evil men who were chucking bundles of horse muck at them. Everything was plastered,” said Mrs Tibbs, wiping her glasses.

Punters to Blame

But both parties agreed that ‘punters were to blame’ after it emerged that a racegoer allegedly suggested the idea to the bookmaker ‘as a joke’.

Mugbet’s Keith Vim said: “On this occasion, we didn’t have enough treacle, bees, fireworks or the correct number of garden forks for the usual admittance ceremony.

“So, given that we were outside the racecourse, horse sh*t was in abundance. We just let them have it. ”

Jockey Alf Archer said: “We’re so privileged to get wads of cash for such pointless blogs – PELT US EVERY DAY!”

Don’t Miss
Trainers paid by bookmakers fretting over compulsory period costumes
PR representative fears ‘bookmaker extinction’ from totally made-up gamble
Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading

Horses

Mensa confirms horse has higher IQ than Jockey

Published

on

Mensa Confirms Racehorse Jimmy jumpsuit with an IQ of 160 is smarter than his jockey

With an IQ of 160, race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially brainier than his jockey and trainer combined

The exclusive Mensa society confirmed race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is now among the world’s cleverest after completing two supervised IQ tests last week.

Scoring 160, 8-year old chaser Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially cleverer than Carol Vorderman, but on a par with Einstein, Steven Hawking and Sylvester Stallone.

Dr Gareth Timms, Mensa IQ coordinator said:  “With the so-called genius benchmark at 140, Jimmy is probably the horse equivalent of Rain Man.”

Jockey Maxwell Benson said: “He’s always using long words I don’t understand, which probably explains our miscommunication and why he hasn’t won a race yet.”

By the time he was a yearling he could speak six languages, including Latin and Ancient Greek, and give his trainer financial advice.

Trainer Alf Archer said: “He might not be the best chaser, but he can complete a tax return in about six minutes.”

“When he was little, he used to get shunned by all the other foals and called ‘geek’. Now he sits in his shed plotting their downfalls.”

Rival horse, Timmy Tracksuit said: “Because he’s so clever he works out where we have to finish to get the Trixies up. However his instructions were too complicated and we all fell over. He said we’re all ‘useless thickoes’ and gave up racing to learn quantum mechanics.”

Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “These tests confirm something I’ve known for a long time: I’m a genius. Having thought about it, I’m of the opinion that most people are morons – f*cking idiots, and should be treated so!”

“However, while I see the beauty in calculus and the golden ratio, I’d much rather be chomping on grass and rolling in mud – if you don’t mind.”

Don’t Miss

Jockey sacked for not swerving

Horse thinks Humans are Stupid

‘My best intake yet’ says 26-stone trainer who lapped horses on gallop

Smocks for plebs in new racecourse dress code

Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading

Trending