Follow the terrible week of South Africa’s most awful betting tipster, Edwin ‘Odds Wanker’ Gonzo – whose worst bets ever advised include this week’s last-placed second favourites Jack the Jettsetter, Dallas and Captain Anne Bonny
10th November 2019
Second favourites should come with a wealth warning – ‘will probably finish last, miss the break, get into trouble, a fridge may drop out the sky onto them’ – even though there is no reason why they should run badly.
I’m glad Flamingo Park is shutting after a truly awful run from the Odds Wanker Monday Banker, 2nd favourite SERAPHIC . At 9-2 in the Tab Pays The Full Dividend, No Limits Maiden Plate Seraphic finished tailed off, accidentally forgetting to jump off with the field and missing the break completely.
I was hoping for much better things on Tuesday at South Africa’s premier track Kenilworth with a £200 win on Jack the Jettsetter at 2-1 favourite for the Bass-Robinson yard. It finished last, off the picture, never sighted. Probably tripped over a flock of Helmeted Guineafowl.
Things went from bad to worse on Wednesday at Greyville, when I was sure the Mace Roberts-trained Dallas would absolutely do the business and put us back in the game. I had a decent £300 bet on him at 5-2 2nd favourite. It absolutely tailed off last, with a whopping 67 lengths to the next horse in front of him. Can you bet on horses to finish last?
The radio on Thursday morning belted out D Ream’s ‘Things can only get better’, and if you are in a quagmire of shit like me, things could not get any worse. Turfontein’s best bet looked like Dickens in the 1m4f ‘Betting World’ handicap at a generous 15-8. He was well and truly thrashed by his bigger-priced stablemate, managing to beat only one home.
Could I make it 5 out of 5 for last-placed nap selections on Friday? You bet your bottom rand I could at Fairview. Captain Anne Bonny looked certain to run well in the Graduation Plate after her good win earlier on in the year. However at 9-4 2nd favourite, who was I kidding? She finished totally last.
Did anyone else have a week as terrible as me?
Email me with your truly shocking betting stories email@example.com
Sinner or Winner?
Betting on losers is hard and sometimes tests your faith, so I decided to sit in the middle of town and listen to the fanatical street preacher shouting ‘why be a sinner when you can be a winner‘ at passers-by.
To be honest, he was a welcome distraction from betting on all the sh*t second favourites tailing off last and ex-jockeys paid serious money by bookmakers to promote them all.
Sinner, Winner! The preacher guy shouted while wearing a ‘Jesus’ baseball cap, shoving bibles towards anyone that dared to walk within a few feet.
A winner, now you’re talking mate: did he mean the 5f maiden coming up at Kenilworth?
It was his next excerpt that really got me: James 1.12 ‘Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.’
Are all these losing betting slips part of the ‘trial’? I wonder how much 2nd favourite-tails-off-last ‘trial’ I’ve got to endure to get this ‘crown of life’ he promised. Are ‘loving God’ and ‘backing winners’ mutually exclusive? The week ahead would no doubt reveal all.
Monday 11th November – Flamingo Park
ALRAUNE at 15-8 FAV in the 7f Handicap looked to have a smashing chance given his very good second last time out and form figures of “1 – 2” at the track. He finished last but one and sinner looks more likely after I smashed up the TV remote.
Tuesday 12th November – Turfontein
You think I’d learn. I was going straight in for it with the Alec Laird trained FIREWORKS at 9-4 FAV in the opening maiden. She’d finished a staying on 4th over a mile last time and upped 1f in distance looked a very smart move. Who was I kidding? She tailed off last, barely able to keep up with the 40-1, 33-1 and 28-1 opponents.
Wednesday 13th November – Greyville
This crown of life is mine I thought, as the third race PIANEMO had a great chance given that he was the highest on Merit Ratings and his trainer was going through a purple form patch.
I went for a bit of a touch at 7-1, but really I guess it wasn’t my lucky day. He finished tailed off last with 66 lengths from him to the 11th placed horse in front of him. I’m hoping all these losses are tokens towards that crown of life.
Thursday 14th November – Turfontein
I don’t know what I was thinking when I went for the Tarry second string RETURN FLIGHT in the 7f Pinnacle Stakes. I do love a Pinnacle Stakes, but on the one occasion where I tried to be clever, her 4-6 stablemate Celtic Sea absolutely obliterated her opposition, looking jet-propelled to win cheekily by a few lengths (could have been 20). I’m still ‘enduring under trial’.
Friday 15th November – Fairview
It’s funny how the code name for Fairview and ‘favourite’ are exactly the same (‘fav’) – just saying. Getting on a last-placed runner at Fairview isn’t hard for me, and that’s exactly what I did when backing last-time-out-winner VOICES OF LIGHT for the Greef yard at 5-2 Fav.
To be fair, the favourite did beat one home (the complete outsider), but that put an absolute seal on this week’s betting.
I went to go and find the fanatical preacher guy, to ask him why God was punishing me with last placed nags but he’d moved on. Or perhaps he’d gone skint too backing all the same favourites and second favourites I had and jumped off the multi-storey car park.