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‘Nothing to do with Corona’ says bookmaker DISINFECTING punters

Desdemona Phelps

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‘Nothing to do with Corona’ says bookmaker DISINFECTING punters
Social distance fanatics applaud germ-dodging bookie who disinfects punters with Dettol and bleach

The sight of ‘2 metre’ floor markers, hand sanitizers and trolley wipes in supermarkets may have seemed far-fetched before the new ‘social distancing’ rules took hold.

But sanitation freak, independent bookmaker Keith Vim, 59, has spent years disinfecting his betting shop customers with detergents.

With a Perspex screen up long before it was fashionable, the bookie would fumigate the shop at the close of business and take betting slips with a five foot ‘litter picker’.

Keith has received a commendation from Daggenham council and a letter from the Mayor praising him for doing his bit in the fight against SARS-CoV-2, the virus causing the COVID-19 pandemic.

However, modest Vim insists: “I don’t deserve plaudits: this has nothing to do with corona. Punters are a grubby lot who need sterilising, or pasteurising - or both.

“I tell em get your filthy hands off my lovely betting slip dispensers."

Incinerating his suits when he comes home from the races, Vim admits to sleeping in an oxygen chamber to purify himself of the ‘disease-ridden vermin’ that make up his clients.

“They said my ‘no shoe’ policy was illegal when I dissolved their Ones and Twos in acid.

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“‘Keith’, they says to me they says, ‘ere, you can’t chemical-spray them with that car jetwash’.

“I say to you: washing the shopping are we? Wearing a ski mask to the chippie? Spraying the post with antibac? Who’s the idiot now?

Punter Gareth Timms said: “Keith’s shop is great. It’s the only place I can get a bath.

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