Non-triers and swerving jockeys to spice up virtual racing

Non-triers, runners taking wrong courses and swerving jockeys will make Virtual racing more realistic.

Virtual racing is to become ‘a more realistic betting product’ by having non-triers, runners that take the wrong course and jockeys who swerve deliberately to hamper fast-finishing horses in behind.

Virtual horses nanoseconds from victory will be clattered by other virtual jockeys, to ruin winners’ chances - just like in real racing.

The new betting product will include stewards' enquiries that go on for 3 hours and do nothing to aid the fairness of a race and going descriptions that are deliberately misleading.

Regarded by many punters as ‘cartoons’, virtual racing creators have wracked their brains to provide an ‘ultra-real’ experience.

Punter Gareth Timms has tried out the new betting product: "First bet I had a fiver on the favourite - he disappeared into a ditch.

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"Next bet I had £20 on the second favourite - he was winning then a racegoer jumped up and 'roundhoused' the jockey clean off his horse.

"This race here, my horse got hoisted up by an industrial crane just as he was about to cross the line. I'm down £150 so far - it's f*cking fantastic!"

Really Real Racing

Named “Really Real Racing”, the product is the brainchild of programmer Costas Patsasoglou:

“We went to the races and saw first-hand that the ‘real’ thing was more ridiculous than our made-up rubbish.”

“We've programmed a ‘strike’ like in ten-pin bowling so that all horses in the leading group at the end of the race will be knocked out,” Patsasoglou said.

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“But don’t worry, no horses will be hurt: they will all get up and be splashed down with water.”

“Some of the jockeys however will be catapulted into space or blown up by exploding fences.”

“Virtual bookmakers will pay trainers and jockeys for reasons none of us know about,” said Patsasoglou.

Winning Too Often

Mugbet's Keith Vim is very happy with the product: "Just like always, we've got our eye on b*stards trying to rob our cash.

"Self-service terminals will randomly refuse payment to customers winning too often,” Vim said.

“The machine will void bets, believing the customer is ‘acting on inside information’ if you collect more than once.”

‘Really Real Racing’ is set to roll out in January 2045.

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