Horses

New headgear ‘gees-up’ horses with Thrash Metal

Published

9 months ago

14th November 2019

Desdemona Phelps

Horses can now run at Mac 1.6 thanks to reinforced steel headgear that 'gees' them up with Thrash Metal

Scientists have created new headgear that can make horses gallop fast enough to break the sound barrier.

The headgear was originally designed to block out noise horses might encounter on a racecourse, like ice cream vans, merry-go-rounds and screaming dickheads.

The new 'helmet' contains internal speakers and 'gees up' horses to supersonic speeds of Mach 1.6 - 1.6 times the speed of sound - or 1227.6 mph.

Somewhere between a traditional horse visor and a diving helmet, the headgear makes horses run fast, or slow depending on the transmitted sounds.

Weighing 16 kilos (35lb), the device is made of reinforced steel, concrete and papier mache.

Named Trefla’s Bazongoid’- or ‘Bazongi’ - each device costs around £12,550 and is approved by bookmakers.

Thrash Metal

Creator, Dr Timmy Trefla said "I designed the helmet to help wayward horses.

“However, we found Bazongi increased a horse’s chance of winning if we set it to play Thrash Metal at incredibly loud volumes.”

“A horse can make up dozens of extra lengths per furlong as it tries to run away from the dreadful sound, meaning Cheetahs are no longer the fastest land mammal! ”

“We tested it on quarter horses” said Dr Trefla. “Some of them broke the sound barrier, but when we played them relaxing music, they lay down and started snoring in the middle of the track.”

All runners carrying the new headgear will have the abbreviation ‘Bz’ next to their name.

...they can make up dozens of lengths as they try to run away from the dreadful sound - Dr Timmy Trefla

Mugbet spokesman Dik Venom said:

“As long as all the favourites and 2^nd favs have comatose music, and the outsiders get souped-up – and no one (except us) can work out what the horses are listening to - the Bazongis will have a future in our sport.”

Racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “Personally I’m more of a Bon Jovi fan, but whatever.”