Betting Shops

Man learns violin and 6 languages since betting shops shut

Published

11 months ago

18th April 2020

Man learns violin and 6 languages since betting shops shut

Man learns violin and SIX languages in just THREE WEEKS since betting shops closed due to coronavirus lockdown.

Gareth Timms has learned a string of Polynesian languages and passed his Grade 6 violin exam since being unable to piss money up the wall in his local betting shop.

“I’ve never had so much money: I haven’t bet for three weeks and feel amazing, like I’m on some military strength mind-altering drug.

“I’ve learned twelve of JS Bach’s violin concertos and can communicate with inhabitants of Easter Island. Funny, I could never get a second favourite or a spin on the FOBTs up.

“It seems like an eternity since I picked up the sledge hammer and smashed my house up.

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“I’ve hoovered my bedroom, paid the milkman and have even got a girlfriend for the first time in 15 years. We’re getting married next week and are expecting our first child.”

Bookmaker Keith Vim said: “Gareth’s disappearance going forward is obviously a disaster. But, the upside to the closed shops mean cheeky f*ckers will have to go for a pee in McDonalds or Poundland instead.”