Connect with us

Punters

“Someone’s got to pay” says man who blew £90 on roulette

Published

on

“Someone’s got to pay” says man who blew £90 on roulette

A man who played roulette and blew £90 in 16 minutes wants his money back

Office worker Gareth Timms, 26, blew his hard-earned £90 trying to win the jackpot after logging into online roulette on his lunch break.

While there was nothing to stop him winning, Timms thinks just about everyone in the world should pay for his mistakes.

“Thirty meal deals gone in a few clicks!” said Timms, “I want a lawyer.”

“It’s definitely not my fault – the semi-naked babes kept telling me I could win £500.”

“I’m going on hunger strike till I get my cash back – or at least till three o’clock.”

Co-worker Tarquin Bibby said: “Gareth’s always telling us he’s a pro and counts cards like Rain Man.”

“One time security took him to a dark room in the casino and broke all his hands with a sledge hammer – he was in work the next day. What a legend!”

Timms’ mum, Natalie said: “I’ll pay this time but Gareth knows he shouldn’t bet. He’s been getting his own way since he was five.”

Gareth’s father Keith said: “We probably weren’t firm enough with him when he set fire to his little sister’s Sylvanian Families.”

“I mean it now – we’re locking him in the garden shed tonight with no tea.”

“Did he say 500 pound jackpot? Gareth? What’s your password son?”

Don’t Miss
How to Deal with Losing Runs
Bookmakers Setting up on Mars
Nutter who smashed up shops puzzled by ban
Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Bookmakers

Bookmaker treats punter they made homeless to WHEELIE BIN

Published

on

bookmaker t
Mugbet has kindly donated a wheelie bin to a punter they made homeless.

Punter Gareth Timms, who was made homeless by Mugbet’s endless false favourites, rubbish offers, and rigged slot machines, has had an early Christmas present in the shape of a WHEELIE BIN.

Former panel beater Timms used to have a 6-bedroom Devon town house, but since he started betting with Mugbet he now lives outside their shop in a blue recycling bin.

Timms said: “It’s warm, dry and cosy, but the only downside is once a fortnight a bin lorry takes me down the tip and chucks me in the landfill. I have to hobble back into town, but I’m grateful for the exercise really.

“Thank god for the cuts to services or it could be once a week!”

A spokesman for Mugbet whose slogan is “Where the Nation Pays”, Keith Vim said: “Gareth should be delighted with our kind generosity, giving back to the community and securing him a sturdy home he can love and cherish.

“The fact that we were chucking it out anyway isn’t the point: if he doesn’t like his neighbours he can just wheel himself away.

“As a special treat we’ve chucked in a roll of black bin bags he can use as sheets, but now that he can’t give us any more cash he’s banned from within 6 feet of the door.”

Continue Reading

Betting

100-year-old ‘git’ wins first ever bet

Published

on

Pensioner Burt 'old git' Jackson, 100, wins his first ever bet
Mugbet blasts ‘old git’ who backed first ever winner by filling in quickslip wrong.

Burt Jackson, 100, has annoyed the sh*t out of bookmaking giant Mugbet by winning his first ever bet.

After mistakenly filling in a quickslip with the ‘wrong’ horse the pensioner and army veteran who has never visited the ‘Payout’ counter made national news with his first win since the end of World War II.

Jackson said: “Shooting down Messerschmitts was easy; escaping the clutches of the SS in a concentration camp – a doddle, but trying to get a second favourite to win at Newcastle has proved impossible for the last seven decades.”

Hearing a bookmaker representative talk about ‘floods of money’ for the 11-10 favourite Wunder Tripe, Jackson took their advice, staking £30 of his army pension on a Quickslip in his local Mugbet shop.

However, the centurion who suffers from cataracts ticked the wrong selection.

Instead of backing ‘No. 2’, the grandad of seventeen ticked ‘No.12’, 10-1 outsider Jimmy Jumpsuit – second string stablemate to the favourite – who duly romped in by a distance.

Riot

Keith Vim from Mugbet said: “The old git shouldn’t have got paid out. However, because we didn’t want a riot we gave him his winnings. As a compromise he’s banned from every shop in the world with immediate effect.”

Jackson said: “I always thought ‘treat betting as a bit of fun’ meant losing your arse. They wanted me to back the favourite, so I did – but I got the numbers muddled up.”

“I was going to treat my grand kids, but winners are really hard to come by, so I’m getting Champagne and strippers instead.”

Don’t Miss
Help for Shed-Dwelling Gambler who Downsized 16 times
Horse thinks Humans are Stupid
Jockey sacked for not swerving

Continue Reading

Trending