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Bookmakers blew up lost city of Atlantis

Desdemona Phelps

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Lost city of Atlantis sank when Bookmakers blew it up
Legendary city of Atlantis housed beautiful racecourse where all favs won, so bookmakers blew it up to make way for Class 6 rubbish.

The tantalising mystery of Atlantis could finally be solved after experts made the bombshell discovery that bookmakers blew up the legendary lost city thousands of years ago.

According to a newly unearthed manuscript written by philosopher Plato, that has been verified as ‘genuinely authentic’, Atlantis was home to a beautiful all-weather racecourse where all the favourites won.

Considered an advanced utopia, Atlantis racecourse was like no other: on course Atlantean bookmakers weren’t scared of laying a 50 Drachma ew double.

The philosopher, who loved to bet on chariot racing described the track as having (transl, ancient Gk) "no waffling pundits" and where "..clerks didn’t water only half the track to even out the perceived draw-bias".

In Atlantis, Plato said judges 'gave dead heats' and jockeys didn’t 'deliberately veer across the track' to slam their fast-finishing rivals in behind.

So, off-course bookmakers, who were continually losing money paying out on winning bets, "blew it up with dynamite [sic]" so that we, today could have Class 6 sellers and tailed-off second favourites.

Lost Dialogue

What we know of Atlantis today comes from the Greek philosopher's two dialogues from 360 BC, ‘Timaeus’ and ‘Critias’.

But, buried deep within betting giant Mugbet’s collection, a third ‘lost dialogue’ ‘Overroundus’ (a detailed account of the ancient polytrack course) has been unearthed for the first time in two millennia.

Lost city of Atlantis sank when Bookmakers blew it up

Plato (above) loved a bet on chariot racing. His lost dialogue 'Overroundus' gave a vivid account of the beautiful Atlantis racecourse where all the favs won and waffling pundits did not yet exist.

These two texts say Atlantis was 'an island situated in front of the straits called the Pillars of Hercules’ and a sea-faring super power that ‘sank into the sea in a single day and night of misfortune'.

For millennia it was believed a giant tsunami engulfed the legendary lost city, forcing it to sink into the ocean.

Only now can it be revealed, the true nature of this terrible 'misfortune'.

Seven Winning Favs

The 4th century brainbox says in Overroundus that one night in 1600 BC, seven well-backed favourites on a seven-race card romped home.

So, losing bookmakers got fed up with the place and annihilated it after going skint.

Scientists who have studied the text say the objective wasn’t to blow up the entire island of Atlantis, but rather just the Group 1 track.

Modern bookmaker, and keeper of the documents, Keith Vim said: “The racecourse was the intended target.

"Ancient bookmakers feared the perfect Atlantis model would become a blueprint for all future tracks and they couldn't have that.

“The lost dialogue shows bookmakers planted bombs under the old grand stand. But the explosives seemed to work a bit too well - blowing a hole in the middle of the concentric circles and sending the entire island down to Poseidon."

Stolen

Experts now believe this third dialogue was stolen to cover up the bookmakers’ misdeeds.

Professor of Classics at Scutter University, Gareth Timms said: “The discovery of Plato’s lost dialogue proves that bookmakers have had their grubby hands on the pen of history ever since ancient times.

“Atlantis used to be an advanced utopia of half-man, half-god beings.

“Thanks to the bookmakers the only Atlantis we can get to today is the Atlantis Hotel Casino Resort in Dubai, which you can only access via a VIP membership scheme for players who’ve lost thirty grand in an afternoon.”

"No wonder the Atlanteans f*cked off back to their own planet in the Beta Centurai constellation."

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