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Loose horse no match for idiot flailing arms

Leonard Collins

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Loose horse no match for idiot flailing arms

Total idiot wrongly believes he’s mastered the art of stopping a loose horse at racecourse.

No UK race meeting would be complete without a hundred bellends waving bits of paper trying to catch a loose horse.

But, while arm-waving has never ever resulted in the capture of a 450 Kg loose racehorse charging at 40 mph, white flag man Gareth Timms, 65, thinks he has got the knack.

Timms said: “Bringing loose horses to a stop is a tough job. Rookie ground staff piss about standing like scarecrows or pretend to be aeroplanes when a horse gets free.

“But how does an expert like me do it? Tranquilizers? Trip wires? Don't be ridiculous.

“It’s simple: I wave my arms about like a complete mad man.

"They sprint off, do 13 laps of the track and eventually wear themselves out - after 50 minutes or so."

Racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “When we're in the starting stalls, my mates egg me on to do a runner – I can’t resist.

"I run to the top, then all the way back down, then back to the top again. It's so much fun!

“Although it’s really sad to see poor humans think they can stop a one-ton charging beast like me with their little arms and a handkerchief.

“All they have to do is put a strip of tape across the track and we won't budge. By Jesus, that's some sorcery!"

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