Jockey Alf Archer has been sacked by his bookmaker for winning the race they also sponsor.
Mugbet have sacked their betting ambassador jockey Alf Archer for WINNING a race they sponsor.
His instructions had been to hold up the horse and get into trouble, but Anderson was able to avoid a cluster of runners to win the £250,000 guaranteed Mugbet Stakes on the 6-4 favourite by two lengths.
Some bookmakers laid bets on the winning horse, paying out as much as £30.
“What a f*ckin clown,” said Keith Vim of Mugbet.
“His betting blog said he had a good chance of winning. He’s not supposed to actually go and win it.”
While jockeys are paid by bookmakers for their promotional blogs and marketing material, riders who follow through and win races on favourites and second favourites seem to miss the point.
“What’s the f*ckin point in having a jockey who actually wins races?” Dik Venom, Mugbet CEO said.
“My annual bonus is suffering. Worst of all is Archer is giving the impression that the short-priced runners have got a chance. It’s a f*cking outrage!”
The affected bookmaker’s net profits, after tax and operating expenses, were down the second quarter of this financial year to a ten-year low of £2.6 billion.
Archer was unavailable for comment.
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Bookies pelt naked jockeys with horse MANURE
‘Betting ambassador initiation got a bit out of hand’ say bookmaking chiefs who pelted naked pro jockeys with horse MANURE.
Jockeys Alf Archer and Tarquin Bibby were admitted as Mugbet’s new betting ambassadors after 20 bookmaking chiefs pelted them naked with clumps of horse manure in a secret initiation ceremony.
However, a local resident caught the embarrassing ‘hazing’ scenes on camera in an Aldi carpark.
Returning from a shopping trip on her mobility scooter, Mavis Tibbs, 79, and her daughter Prudence, 53, were horrified to see the naked riders pursued across the adjacent field by a jeep of ‘suited spivs in trilbies’.
While commercial partnerships allow professional riders or trainers to be paid by a bookmaker in return for blog or promotional material, the ritual initiation to the programmes has always been kept secret.
Mrs Tibbs said: “These poor lads were stark bollock naked trying to take shelter from the evil men who were chucking bundles of horse muck at them. Everything was plastered,” said Mrs Tibbs, wiping her glasses.
Punters to Blame
But both parties agreed that ‘punters were to blame’ after it emerged that a racegoer allegedly suggested the idea to the bookmaker ‘as a joke’.
Mugbet’s Keith Vim said: “On this occasion, we didn’t have enough treacle, bees, fireworks or the correct number of garden forks for the usual admittance ceremony.
“So, given that we were outside the racecourse, horse sh*t was in abundance. We just let them have it. ”
Jockey Alf Archer said: “We’re so privileged to get wads of cash for such pointless blogs – PELT US EVERY DAY!”
Bookmaker, trainer and jockey’s 3-way sex romp in HORSE BOX
Trainer and jockey caught with their bookmaker boss in steamy sex romp in back of HORSE BOX.
A bookmaker whipped both the trainer and jockey he sponsors, naked – except for the bridle and cheek pieces they wore – during a 3-way sex romp in the back of a HORSE BOX.
The trio – trainer Alf Archer, jockey Maxwell Benson and bookmaker Keith Vim – were said to have been getting intimate in the back of racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit’s trailer.
Downplaying the scandal, Mugbet’s head of communications Dik Venom said: “This is a simple misunderstanding; our brand ambassadors were showing Keith how to ‘tack up’.
Asked why they were naked, Venom replied: “Do you know how hot it is in there? Just right for horses, but sweltering for men in suits.”
The randy racing threesome was rumbled by stable boy Gareth Timms, who went to fetch his packed lunch from the horse box he travels and sleeps in.
Stunned Timms, 19, immediately alerted race day stewards, racing officials and racecourse security – all of whom are also paid by Mugbet.
Quick to cover for their sponsors, the racecourse staff said ‘move along, nothing to see here’.
But a racegoer alerted the police after seeing bookmaker Keith Vim punch stable boy Timms and drag him unconscious into the straw-filled love wagon.
It is understood the executive team chucked the lusty lovers out of the track after the local authorities caught wind of their X-rated activities.
Trainer Archer and jockey Benson were unavailable for comment, while stable boy Timms has not been seen since the incident.
Horse, Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “It’s disgusting what trainers and jockeys have to do for cash these days.”
Mensa confirms horse has higher IQ than Jockey
With an IQ of 160, race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially brainier than his jockey and trainer combined
The exclusive Mensa society confirmed race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is now among the world’s cleverest after completing two supervised IQ tests last week.
Scoring 160, 8-year old chaser Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially cleverer than Carol Vorderman, but on a par with Einstein, Steven Hawking and Sylvester Stallone.
Dr Gareth Timms, Mensa IQ coordinator said: “With the so-called genius benchmark at 140, Jimmy is probably the horse equivalent of Rain Man.”
Jockey Maxwell Benson said: “He’s always using long words I don’t understand, which probably explains our miscommunication and why he hasn’t won a race yet.”
By the time he was a yearling he could speak six languages, including Latin and Ancient Greek, and give his trainer financial advice.
Trainer Alf Archer said: “He might not be the best chaser, but he can complete a tax return in about six minutes.”
“When he was little, he used to get shunned by all the other foals and called ‘geek’. Now he sits in his shed plotting their downfalls.”
Rival horse, Timmy Tracksuit said: “Because he’s so clever he works out where we have to finish to get the Trixies up. However his instructions were too complicated and we all fell over. He said we’re all ‘useless thickoes’ and gave up racing to learn quantum mechanics.”
Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “These tests confirm something I’ve known for a long time: I’m a genius. Having thought about it, I’m of the opinion that most people are morons – f*cking idiots, and should be treated so!”
“However, while I see the beauty in calculus and the golden ratio, I’d much rather be chomping on grass and rolling in mud – if you don’t mind.”