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Jockey sacked for not swerving

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Jockey sacked for not swerving

Jockey Alf Archer was sacked for not swerving into other riders, it has emerged.

Finishing second, popular jockey Alf Archer was sacked as retained rider to Scutter Holdings for not swerving and hindering the eventual winner, Jimmy Jumpsuit.

Hitting the front one furlong from home in the 4/9, Get 2/5 instead with Mugbet Boosting Your Odds Down Handicap at Chelmsford, Archer maintained a straight line, permitting the eventual winner to pass up his inside.

While ‘swerving’ – the deliberate steering of a horse in the lead to hamper a horse behind – results in the disqualification of a winning or placed horse in every other jurisdiction in the world, it is completely accepted in UK races.

A heated argument broke out in the winners’ enclosure between Jimmy Jumpsuit’s owner, Darren Bibby and his retained rider Archer over his failure to deliberately impede the horses behind him.

Bibby said: “Jockeys swerve here every day. What was this f*ing idiot doing? Everyone explains it all away as ‘wandering about’, ‘running off a true line’ or ‘greenness’.”

The jockey reflected about the losing the retained position:

“I thought I was doing the right thing by riding safely and not endangering the lives of the other runners and riders, but obviously that’s how they want us to ride here.”

“I hope he changes his mind because I love the extra cash.”

Archer has partnered some of Scutter Holding’s more high-profile winners in recent seasons, including Crunk Muffler, Wunder Tripe and Willy Wetsuit.  

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1 Comment

  1. oprolevorter

    9th December 2019 at 10:39 pm

    Some genuinely nice stuff on this internet site, I like it.

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Jockey

Bookmaker, trainer and jockey’s 3-way sex romp in HORSE BOX

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Trainer and jockey caught with their bookmaker boss in steamy sex romp in back of HORSE BOX.

A bookmaker whipped both the trainer and jockey he sponsors, naked – except for the bridle and cheek pieces they wore – during a 3-way sex romp in the back of a HORSE BOX.

The trio – trainer Alf Archer, jockey Maxwell Benson and bookmaker Keith Vim – were said to have been getting intimate in the back of racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit’s trailer.

Downplaying the scandal, Mugbet’s head of communications Dik Venom said: “This is a simple misunderstanding; our brand ambassadors were showing Keith how to ‘tack up’.

Asked why they were naked, Venom replied: “Do you know how hot it is in there? Just right for horses, but sweltering for men in suits.”

Rumbled

The randy racing threesome was rumbled by stable boy Gareth Timms, who went to fetch his packed lunch from the horse box he travels and sleeps in.

Stunned Timms, 19, immediately alerted race day stewards, racing officials and racecourse security – all of whom are also paid by Mugbet.

Quick to cover for their sponsors, the racecourse staff said ‘move along, nothing to see here’.

But a racegoer alerted the police after seeing bookmaker Keith Vim punch stable boy Timms and drag him unconscious into the straw-filled love wagon.

X-Rated

It is understood the executive team chucked the lusty lovers out of the track after the local authorities caught wind of their X-rated activities.

Trainer Archer and jockey Benson were unavailable for comment, while stable boy Timms has not been seen since the incident.

Horse, Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “It’s disgusting what trainers and jockeys have to do for cash these days.”

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Horses

Mensa confirms horse has higher IQ than Jockey

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Mensa Confirms Racehorse Jimmy jumpsuit with an IQ of 160 is smarter than his jockey

With an IQ of 160, race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially brainier than his jockey and trainer combined

The exclusive Mensa society confirmed race horse Jimmy Jumpsuit is now among the world’s cleverest after completing two supervised IQ tests last week.

Scoring 160, 8-year old chaser Jimmy Jumpsuit is officially cleverer than Carol Vorderman, but on a par with Einstein, Steven Hawking and Sylvester Stallone.

Dr Gareth Timms, Mensa IQ coordinator said:  “With the so-called genius benchmark at 140, Jimmy is probably the horse equivalent of Rain Man.”

Jockey Maxwell Benson said: “He’s always using long words I don’t understand, which probably explains our miscommunication and why he hasn’t won a race yet.”

By the time he was a yearling he could speak six languages, including Latin and Ancient Greek, and give his trainer financial advice.

Trainer Alf Archer said: “He might not be the best chaser, but he can complete a tax return in about six minutes.”

“When he was little, he used to get shunned by all the other foals and called ‘geek’. Now he sits in his shed plotting their downfalls.”

Rival horse, Timmy Tracksuit said: “Because he’s so clever he works out where we have to finish to get the Trixies up. However his instructions were too complicated and we all fell over. He said we’re all ‘useless thickoes’ and gave up racing to learn quantum mechanics.”

Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “These tests confirm something I’ve known for a long time: I’m a genius. Having thought about it, I’m of the opinion that most people are morons – f*cking idiots, and should be treated so!”

“However, while I see the beauty in calculus and the golden ratio, I’d much rather be chomping on grass and rolling in mud – if you don’t mind.”

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