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Bookmaker can manipulate jockey’s brain with car stereo

Leonard Collins

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New device lets bookies control jockeys’ brain by twiddling Blaupunt FM car stereo knob.

Bookmakers can now control jockeys' brains by pressing a few buttons on a simple car stereo.

Implanted into the parietal lobe - the part of the brain responsible for processing information - the new device gives bookmakers total control of jockeys' minds by twiddling knobs on a Blaupunt or Phillips FM car radio.

Smarter_way_USA

Created by researchers from betting giant, Mugbet's Institute of Science and Technology, the implants prevent jockeys from riding out if their employers have laid a potentially large and damaging loser.

Mugbet’s Keith Vim said: "Now we don’t have to worry about them not understanding any long words like 'field book', 'liability' or 'cash'.

"I can sit casually reading a paper in the car park and alter the race using this DAB pocket radio - then boom! They fall off - except when we want them to.

"We thought about installing the implants in our Betting TV presenters, but it seemed a waste of money seen as they never tip a winner."

Jockey Alf Archer was incomprehensible, but did give the news every hour and the shipping forecast.

Kerrang

Chief scientist at Mugbet, Dr Gareth Timms, said: “The patch works great but sometimes the jockeys pick up actual FM radio signals.

"This explains why whenever they try to talk Classic FM or Kerrang starts belting out their mouths.

“We replaced their eyes with flashing LEDs - but that was just for fun.”

"When the jockeys retire they make wonderful surround sound speakers if any bookmaker wants to play a bit of Luther Vandross.

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