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‘I have magical photo-finish powers’ says liar checking Betfair for 1.01
Man who told betting shop he won millions on photo finishes with psychic abilities, definitely full of sh*t.
Unemployed betting shop punter Gareth Timms swears his photo finish abilities are nothing to do with spotting 1.01s but rather, the result of a Nostradamus-style foresight.
Timms said: “I’m so right about everything. I’ve just turned down a job predicting the weather for the Met Office because I didn’t want to embarrass that supercomputer.
“My friends call me the oracle, like that fortune teller woman out the Matrix, or that nutty rabbit in Watership Down.
“A desperately tight photo doesn’t faze me at all. With my Mystic Powers I win on all the close calls – even the crazy angles at Roscommon.
“I prepare by sitting in a bath of ice cubes, and practice holding my breath for 5 minutes every Thursday morning, right before I collect my jobseeker’s allowance.
“Categorically no way do I use that Betfair exchange app inside my jacket pocket or telephone my wife, Maude, who’s on the racecourse – do you think I’m some sort of bullsh*tter?”
Maude said: “Gareth’s electrotherapy starts tomorrow, I can’t wait.”
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