Horses
Horse thinks Humans are Stupid
"Racegoers throwing up and taking their clothes off; trainers threatening us with the sack if we lose and jockeys making daft noises during a race - humans need to calm the f*ck down", says top chaser
As 5-year-old bay gelding, Jimmy Jumpsuit, reflects on his time living at Scutter Farms training centre, he concludes that humans are a weird lot.
Jumpsuit said: “I’ve watched killer chimpanzee wildlife documentaries where they go nuts in the tree tops and eat each other. Truly shocking!
"But humans: they are some next level weird sh*t.”
"Have you ever been to the races? I have. After Race 2 and 12 lagers later their trousers come off and they start throwing up into the flower beds.
"During a race they shout if we win but go nuts if we lose, but not before slapping each other with a rolled-up Racing Post like it's a whip.
“Some lean sideways trying to make us run faster – it’s me jumping the fence mate!
“They shout at each other on the motorway, and go mental pressing the refresh button on their little pocket TVs. Definitely ready for the nut house.
"The deformed dwarf men on our backs sometimes take wads of cash off men in trilbies to hold us up 50 lengths and stop us winning a race - what's that about eh?
“Our trainer goes psycho at us for losing - kicking bins over, and crying about a ‘scoop 6’ down. Very confusing.
Stablemate, Timmy Tracksuit said: “Humans need to calm the f*ck down. Shouting our names to make us go faster - leave it out mate.
“I just want to stand in a field and eat grass all day. Peacefully. It’s humans who need locking in a stable and gelding.”
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