Punters

Gambling Helpline puzzled after idiot rings up for tips

Published

2 months ago

13th June 2020

Tony Titt

Punter who backed 3000 consecutive losers demands Gambling Helpline tell him what will win Class 1 Handicap

After a diabolical run, former panel beater Gareth Timms, 37, from Gravesend, Kent needed some help picking his selections so turned to Google in search of tips.

When the out of luck punter came across the ‘Gambling Helpline’ he immediately telephoned them for assistance.

Timms said: “I was going through a bad spell after backing 3000 consecutive losers so I Googled ‘gambling help’. Up pops this helpline for gambling. 'Bingo!' I says.

“So, I gets on the blower and says 'ere Templegate I’m on a terrible run. I says to em I says 'Who’s going to win the European Free Handicap'?

“But they goes on about some therapy bollocks and asks me if I’m a problem gambler. Problem gambler? I says I’m not a problem gambler I’m a crap gambler – give me a winner.

“I says hang about, now you mention it I am a gambler with a problem: I can’t back a winner. You’re supposed to be a helpline I says. Fat load of good you are you pricks and slammed the phone down before binge watching a series of Call the Midwife.

Inbound call centre handler Phidias Bamber for the Gambling Helpline said: “We were rather perplexed when this imbecile called up wanting a red hot tip.

“I told him we are a residential therapy centre and wondered if he wanted to self-exclude, but he just kept going on about why all the favs keep getting beat at Chelmsford.

“I asked if he wasn’t a problem gambler, would he like to become one, because we need the cash and our 6-figure salaries and pensions aren’t going to pay themselves.

“But he just kept going on about Newmarket.

“Newmarket? Never heard of it mate.