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French delighted for British “Group 1-robbing b*stards”

Alastair Gitt

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French horse racing authorities are absolutely delighted with the British winning all their best Group 1 prizes.

The French are delighted for the British and Irish flat trainers so much they have approved an additional series of Group 1 races for them to come and win.

While we could forgive our neighbours for not taking kindly to Great Britain and Ireland plundering their best flat racing prizes, nothing could be further from the truth.

The new series, dubbed ‘Les Prixes Roast Boefs Merdes’, has been specifically designed to help the Brits win even more.

Free Beans & Custard

Top French tracks like Paris Longchamp and Chantilly will give all British racegoers free Bird’s Custard and a can of baked beans as a show of solidarity.

With runners this year like Zabeel Prince, Coronet, Japan, Too Darn Hot, Laurens, Advertise, and Romanised all achieving Group 1 success, UK and Irish trainers have dominated French racing at the highest level.

Since July 2017, British and Irish trainers have taken 30 of the last 52 French Group 1s – just under 58% of France’s top flat races.

In a show of solidarity in turbulent times, a string of prestigious French tracks will give all British racegoers free fish and chips and a can of baked beans
In a show of solidarity all British racegoers will get free fish and chips and a can of baked beans

The brains behind the new Equine Entente Cordiale, Everard Salamis-de-Palombe, said: “[Translated] I just love [the Brits]. They nick all our best prizes, the Group 1-robbing b*stards but c’est la vie, let us show them some love.”  

“Instead of calling them names like Les goddams, Les Brittunculi or Les Tosseurs let’s embrace them.”

Prix de L’Arc de Triomphe day in October will commence a trial of 14 races. The traditional 8-race card will now host an extra 6 Group 1s, all named after British military heroes.

Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité

“No British runners will have deliberately high draws. We also promise to open the starting stalls, all at the same time” said de Palombe. 

De Palombe and his committee will issue local gendarmes with strict instructions not to target British racegoers for spurious offences:

“No one will arrest a Brit for siphoning Armagnac from a sleeping tramp; not during the festivals anyway.”

Chantilly Races, home of Group 1 races like the Prix du Jockey Club, Prix de Diane and the Prix Jean Prat
Chantilly Races, home of the Prix du Jockey Club, Prix de Diane and the Prix Jean Prat

“We may drink better wine but our horses are sh*t in comparison to our badger-killing, lager-lout cousins.  Let’s show them the meaning of fraternité”.

Mr Salamis-de-Palombe has campaigned unsuccessfully for British horses to be able to run in French handicaps.

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