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FOBTs unscathed after betting shop blown up with bazooka

Alastair Gitt

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FOBTs unscathed after protestors blow up bookies with bazooka
Bookmakers praise ‘indestructible’ FOBTs after protestors accidentally blow up betting shop with rocket launcher

Betting giant Mugbet breathed a sigh of relief after its bomb-proof Fixed Odds Betting Terminals survived a bazooka attack on Monday.

When heated arguments progressed to wanton destruction, protestors fired rockets, accidentally catching the betting shop on Crooked Lane in the cross fire.

Area manager Keith Vim said: “Mugbet’s sturdy roulette machines have gone through hours of testing.

“In pre-retail trials we pitched our Luck of the Irish slots against a charging rhino – not even a dent.

Sledgehammers

“The FOBTs were designed to withstand attacks from losing punters wielding sledgehammers or throwing chairs after well and truly doing their bollocks.

“But for them to see off an anti-tank missile is great news.

“The British Army have asked for the patents to the cases to see how they fare against tanks.

“That's why I’m installing a wall of them around my moat as we speak.”

Mushroom Cloud

A mushroom cloud seen from Saxon Shore Way marked the dramatic moment Mugbet’s shop in Gravesend was annihilated by the violent clashing protestors.

Ready to lay his first beaten favourites since lockdown began in late March, shop manager, Dik Venom and his team were devastated when the shop was reduced to a smouldering pile of ash.

Venom said: “I spent hours lovingly tending to the betting slip dispensers, removing all the furniture and painstakingly sticking tape to the floor for the social distancing fascists to check we’re safe.”

“But thank god for the everlasting FOBTs - the firemen were able to lose a few hundred quid each when they came to rescue us."

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