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Did Seamie kill Kim?

Leonard Collins



Insiders confirm North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un fell into a coma moments after Seamus Heffernan’s Super Sunday 5000/1 Naas hat trick.

Speculation over the health of Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un has circulated for months.

With the crackpot ruler disappearing from the public eye earlier this year, many have believed he had died, was suffering from coronavirus or in a vegetative state.

But, defectors from his regime told The Scutter that Kim is alive and enjoying his Irish racing – sort of.


According to an ex-presidential aide, Kim’s doctors told him to get plenty of rest after undergoing surgery from a heart op.

So, yesterday, with Racing TV beamed into his Ryongsong Presidential Palace, Kim relaxed on his sofa catching up with all the action from Naas.

Diplomatic attaché, Lee Chin-Mae said: “Kim's wild about Seamie and loves a tilt at the ring. In fact, the Ballydoyle supremo is Chairman Kim’s all time favourite jock.

“He’s been backing the quiet Irishman blind for years ever since his dad Eternal Leader Generalissimo Kim Jong-il let him place a bet at 10/1 on Beckett to win the 2000 National Stakes at the Curragh - nearly twenty years ago.

Golden Boy

"When Seamie wins, Kim is in a good mood - you wouldn't know it but Seamie has prevented WW3 several times already this month.

"When he retires, Kim is going to erect a gold statue of the crack rider on the Mansu Hill Grand Monument, next to him and his dad.

A gold statue of the crack rider, Seamus Heffernan, will be erected on the Mansu Hill Grand Monument, next to Kim and his dad

"Sadly there are no bookmakers left in the North Korean Peninsular, because when Kim loses a bet they end up dead in a mincing machine or fed to wild dogs.

“Our glorious leader always insists on placing a full-cover multiple on all Seamie’s rides, so on Sunday placed a Canadian on his five mounts offshore on his Mugbet account.

“He got a bit pissed off when Tudor City (Heffernan’s first ride of the day) finished third, and so machine-gunned a load of traitors well ahead of their execution dates.

“But then when Seamie’s second ride, Chief Little Hawk won a short head at 22/1, Kim pranced about Central Luxury Mansion shouting ‘Today’s the day’ and gave everyone a Bentley.


Romping home in the Group 3 Irish Stallion Farms Stanerra Stakes, Heffernan took the 1 mile 6 event with the 7-2 second favourite, Passion.

“Normally Kim doesn’t like backing short-priced horses when they have three stablemates and seventeen family members who train the opposition runners, but he thought Passion had acquitted herself well last time out at Cork in the Give Thanks.

“After the double went in he declared Sunday 23rd August to be a national holiday called ‘Seamus Heffernan Day’ and faxed instructions to give the Naas-born rider the freedom of the city.

But when the third leg, Sweet Gardenia passed the post at 50/1, Kim so excited he fainted and has not woken up since.

Earlier this year, the Chairman attempted to dispel rumours of his poor health by showing up at a fertiliser plant.

Seamus Heffernan was unavailable for comment.

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