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Racing pundits’ ‘Dawn Chorus’ of utter bullsh*t draws big crowds

Desdemona Phelps

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Crowds flock to hear horse racing pundits dawn chorus of bullsh*t

Tourists flock to Halifax to hear warbling bullshit of racing pundits dubbed 'Dawn Chorus' 

The 'Dawn Chorus' of racing pundits warbling bullshit at each other on Halifax town moor has drawn crowds of 20,000 enthusiasts from across the world.

One of the great spectacles of Nature, the enchanting cacophony of ‘high head carriage’, ‘easy lead’ and ‘got the fractions right’, builds in the 4.00 am skies to a crescendo of utter toss.

While the chillier autumn mornings have marked the start of the jumps season, the shortening daylight hours have switched horse racing pundits’ hormones to a more aggressive mode, making them defend their territory and call for a mate - or bookmaking sponsor.

To accommodate the throng of pilgrims, the council have erected new camouflaged huts for the visitors to observe the natural phenomenon.

Shit Chatting

Enthusiast Alf Archer said: “After the silence of summer, winter shit-chatting punditry fills our hearts with joy.

"Listen: something about ‘finishing 9th six runs ago... good form,' it brings a tear to the eye.”

“Their disorientating song is so unique it makes you forget time and space even exist.”

Pundit spotter Tarquin Bibby said: “I’m hoping to catch a glimpse of the rare ‘Time-Form’ breed that have migrated back from Hong Kong. Despite being in their 40's, they're easily distinguished by teenage downy fluff and sandpapery half-beards.”

“I've seen the predator feeding fest of gannets, dolphins, sharks and whales munching on sardines. I've witnessed the Great Migration of wildebeest through the Serengeti National Park in Tanzania - all pale into insignificance into this magnificent spectacle.”

Racing pundit Gareth Timms said: “Bookmakers choose a ‘mate’ who can confuse punters. It's essential to give them useless information at 200 miles per hour so it’s stiff competition out here.”

"Now if you don't mind - 'absolutely', 'well backed', 'exactly', 'runs left-handed', 'market's got this one right', 'look', 'listen' "

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