Trainers

Bookmakers launch Cash for Trainers Christmas appeal

Published

1 month ago

16th December 2019

Cash for trainers in new Christmas charity appeal

Instead of losing on beaten favourites, Boxing Day punters can pay trainers direct by chucking cash in a bucket.

Trainers who are paid by bookmakers will get more cash following the launch of a new Christmas charity appeal. Instead of losing on one of their beaten favourites, punters can throw money into a bucket and send it directly to the trainer.

Trainer Alf Archer said: “Christmas is all about getting presents. Don’t send the Salvation Army 19 quid – give it to us so we can get sports cars and strippers.”

“Trainers are practically scraping by on £400K a year. We’ll take 2p coins wrapped in chewing gum from off the floor; anything as long as it’s not our money.”

“Make sure it’s crisp wonga though: sh*t like hampers or cards will only end up in landfill.”

Keith Vim from Mugbet said: “These poor horse racing trainers who only have one Landrover each are struggling to buy a fifth home. Therefore, bookmakers in Santa outfits will shake cash buckets at you while you’re desperately trying to watch the Kind George. Come and give us a wad. Ho ho ho!”

Punter Gareth Timms said: “None of my kids will have any Christmas gifts – my wallet’s reeling from all the donations.

“I haven’t even had a bet yet but there’s a whopping ten grand in the bucket on its way to one lucky trainer. It’s f*cking brilliant!”

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Trainers

Trainer’s Wife draws the line at Betting Logos on DUVET

Published

3 weeks ago

6th January 2020

Leonard Collins

Millicent Archer will divorce her husband trainer Alf unless he refuses to sleep in bed sheets covered in Mugbet betting logos.

Plans for Mugbet betting ambassador, National Hunt trainer Alf Archer, to have bookmaking logos plastered all over his sleeping comforter have been scuppered by wife Millicent.

While Millicent has no objections to the Mugbet logos daubed on his work riders’ underpants, his office staff and the stable cat, she has put her foot down on bedroom emblems and pyjamas.

Millicent said: “I’ve put up with Alf’s sh*t for years. Going to the races blind drunk? Why not? Shagging the stable lasses in the Premier Inn? We all need to let loose once in a while. But a King Size Mugbet duvet in our private chambers? That’s unreasonable.”

Mugbet spokesman Keith Vim said: “I normally sleep in between Alf and Milly so it’s a shame we can’t get our logo in this last free spot in the house.”

Jockey

Bookmaker, trainer and jockey’s 3-way sex romp in HORSE BOX

Published

2 months ago

7th December 2019

Sherbie Johnson

Trainer and jockey caught with their bookmaker boss in steamy sex romp in back of HORSE BOX.

A bookmaker whipped both the trainer and jockey he sponsors, naked – except for the bridle and cheek pieces they wore – during a 3-way sex romp in the back of a HORSE BOX.

The trio – trainer Alf Archer, jockey Maxwell Benson and bookmaker Keith Vim – were said to have been getting intimate in the back of racehorse Jimmy Jumpsuit’s trailer.

Downplaying the scandal, Mugbet’s head of communications Dik Venom said: “This is a simple misunderstanding; our brand ambassadors were showing Keith how to ‘tack up’.

Asked why they were naked, Venom replied: “Do you know how hot it is in there? Just right for horses, but sweltering for men in suits.”