Connect with us

Betting

Bookmakers shoot down in-running drones with rocket launchers

Bookmakers shoot down in-running drones with rocket launchers

Published

on

Bookmakers have shot down in-running drones with rocket launchers

Sick of punters getting any financial edge whatsoever, on-course bookmakers have shot their in-running drones down with rocket launchers.

With in-running punters making an average profit of 36 pence after commission for a £25,000 bet from live drones pictures, bookmakers have taken serious umbrage at the ‘immoral, illegal technology’.

Bookmakers shoot down in-running drones with rocket launchers
Bookmakers have shot down drones that give a few in-running punters an edge

 “Show me a punter who’s won three pence with an edge” said Dik Venom from Mugbet “and I’ll blow him up with a bazooka myself. If these scumbags turn up here looking for a win, all I’m saying is that Rambo film didn’t end too well for the mercenaries.”

While this may sound extreme, 1950s independent bookmaker Dick Venom (father to the above) famously shot ‘each way thieves’ in the back with a crossbow.

On-course bookmaker Keith Vim said: “Belt-fed miniguns on the roof can take care of anybody looking to rob our cash; we can annihilate winners before they even get out their cars.”

“If we could just blow up winning punters with Sherman tanks it would save everyone a lot of trouble.”

Punter Gareth Timms said: “I went to collect my non-runner on a Lucky 15 and 5 howitzers from the other side of the track beamed their infrared sights on my chest. I let them keep it.”

Don’t Miss

Spray paint jobs to help fans spot Shergar cup runners
French delighted for British “Group 1-robbing b*stards”
Virtual Horseracing Results Determined by Man in Booth
Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading
Advertisement
1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. oprolevorter

    2nd December 2019 at 12:28 am

    You have brought up a very fantastic details, thankyou for the post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Betting

100-year-old ‘git’ wins first ever bet

Published

on

Pensioner Burt 'old git' Jackson, 100, wins his first ever bet
Mugbet blasts ‘old git’ who backed first ever winner by filling in quickslip wrong.

Burt Jackson, 100, has annoyed the sh*t out of bookmaking giant Mugbet by winning his first ever bet.

After mistakenly filling in a quickslip with the ‘wrong’ horse the pensioner and army veteran who has never visited the ‘Payout’ counter made national news with his first win since the end of World War II.

Jackson said: “Shooting down Messerschmitts was easy; escaping the clutches of the SS in a concentration camp – a doddle, but trying to get a second favourite to win at Newcastle has proved impossible for the last seven decades.”

Hearing a bookmaker representative talk about ‘floods of money’ for the 11-10 favourite Wunder Tripe, Jackson took their advice, staking £30 of his army pension on a Quickslip in his local Mugbet shop.

However, the centurion who suffers from cataracts ticked the wrong selection.

Instead of backing ‘No. 2’, the grandad of seventeen ticked ‘No.12’, 10-1 outsider Jimmy Jumpsuit – second string stablemate to the favourite – who duly romped in by a distance.

Riot

Keith Vim from Mugbet said: “The old git shouldn’t have got paid out. However, because we didn’t want a riot we gave him his winnings. As a compromise he’s banned from every shop in the world with immediate effect.”

Jackson said: “I always thought ‘treat betting as a bit of fun’ meant losing your arse. They wanted me to back the favourite, so I did – but I got the numbers muddled up.”

“I was going to treat my grand kids, but winners are really hard to come by, so I’m getting Champagne and strippers instead.”

Don’t Miss
Help for Shed-Dwelling Gambler who Downsized 16 times
Horse thinks Humans are Stupid
Jockey sacked for not swerving

Continue Reading

Betting

‘Bullsh*t warnings’ on betting blogs have no effect

Published

on

Bullsh*t warnings on betting blogs have no effect on punters whatsoever

Bullsh*t warnings on trainers’ and jockeys’ betting blogs – such as ‘damage to finance’ and ‘may contain BS’ – do not work.

A study found that trainers’ bookie betting blogs carrying the warnings that they may be dangerous to punters’ finances have absolutely no impact on the consumer whatsoever.

The 1-year analysis from Scutter University looked into caveats displayed on blogs written on behalf of trainers so that bookmakers can profit from promoting false favourites and second favourites with no chance.

While warning gamblers about ‘made up rubbish’, the study found that in 92% of examined cases, punters took absolutely no notice.

Professor Gareth Timms, survey coordinator said: “Punters took absolutely no notice of the warnings, but in their defence the writing was upside down, back to front or in a foreign language in many cases.”

“The need for the blog to display a clear warning no less than 2% of the entire article size meant that it was like trying to read font size 3 – or ‘micropscopic’ writing, often in a pale coloured typeface.”

Maxwell Benson from Mugbet said: “Despite our warnings written in Sanskrit, no one gives a toss – they still enjoy losing money, which suits us fine.”

Worth over £150,000 per year, trainers’ betting blogs are an absolute godsend for high profile yards struggling to scrape by on £3 million per year prize money.

For bookmakers they are a perfect way to obtain photographic and promotional material from equine star sportsmen – and absolutely nothing to do with gaining knowledge of which horses are not ‘off’ from top yards with incredible numbers of beaten favourites or second favourites.

Punter Gareth Timms said: “I’ve read the warnings but the trainer betting blogs are a brilliant way of losing cash. Read them and bet on what it says: you’re guaranteed VIP status in no time!”

You Might Like

Facial hair banned as jockey gets beard trapped in stalls

Budgie fuming after man lined cage with Racing Post

Jockey sacked for not swerving

Horse thinks Humans are Stupid

Smocks for plebs in new racecourse dress code

Ricky Tibbs Website – The Professional Layabout

Continue Reading

Trending