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Bookmaker applies for Betting Shop licence – on MARS

Desdemona Phelps

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bookmaker applies for betting shop licence on Mars

Bookmaker secures planning permission for 15 betting shops on Mars to get alien life forms hooked on FOBTs

While Mars may not have any streets yet Bookmaker Mugbet has already secured planning permission for fifteen betting emporiums on the Red Planet.

In a bid to get alien life forms hooked on fixed odds betting terminals and virtual horse racing, Mugbet is erecting fifteen of its shops along a 0.3 mile stretch from the space craft landing site.

Keith Vim from Mugbet said: “If there are life forms we’ll get their cash.”

However, Gareth Timms, professor of astronomy at Scutter University said an advanced extra-terrestrial civilisation could see the bookmakers’ rubbish betting opportunities as a threat and destroy all humanity.

Laser Cannon Heads

“Mugbet are gambling with the survival of the human race. While they hoodwink other humans with their false favourites and give cash to the regulators here it might not wash with intelligent beings that have laser cannons coming out of their heads.”

Bookmaker setting up on Mars ‘Ready for Red Planet losers’
“If there are any life forms on Mars we’ll get their cash,” Keith Vim, Mugbet

If things go well on Mars, Mugbet will scale aggressively into other unexplored areas of the galaxy.

“Soon there won’t be a nook or cranny in the universe free from betting terminals. We will have a giant ‘Death Star Betting Shop’ that ejects punters into the vacuum of space if they win.

"Maybe I could have a black cape and a terrifying theme tune every time I made an entrance,” said Vim.

Extra-terrestrial alien Xaerksuh Fseruih said:

“We’ve studied bookmakers’ methods of enslaving the human race and they're better than the mind-zapping devices we’ve come up with.”

“Putting their shops here, I suppose they think we’re stupid and will fall for…wow look at the pretty colours! Sh*t you can win a tenner every 30 seconds!”

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