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Mystery deepens as ‘bookie-runner’ dog disappears with cash

Missing for three days, St Bernard Gareth Timms’ time-stamp machine was found in a ditch

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Mystery deepens as 'bookie-runner' St Bernard dog Gareth Timms disappears with cash

The disappearance of ‘bookie-runner’ St Bernard dog Gareth Timms has made him chief suspect in Mugbet’s missing cash saga

The mystery over Mugbet’s lost revenues deepened last night after fears their bookie dog ‘runner’ disappeared with all the cash.

Gareth Timms an 8-year old St Bernard dog worked circulating local pubs and bingo halls taking bets from customers.

Instead of a brandy neck cask, Gareth Timms came equipped with a time stamp machine so punters could verify their own bets.

However, Gareth had not been seen for three days after his scheduled ‘check in’ and despite extensive searches only his time-stamp machine could be found in a ditch.

Mugbet’s Keith Vim said: “Please, if anyone’s seen our lovely big brown bag of cash please return it to us asap.”

Punter Alf Archer said: “The St Bernard dog with the old bus conductor’s ticket machine? One year we had 8 feet of snow and no electricity, but he dug us out and took bets. I hope he’s OK.”

Speaking to this publication, Gareth Timms said: “I’ve saved up and I’ve got enough here to retire in a Swiss Chalet. If I see another each way Round f*cking Robin I’ll bite someone.”

“My golden years won’t be filled rescuing dickhead travellers who’ve gone astray, topping them up with a stiff drink, nosiree.”

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Betting

100-year-old ‘git’ wins first ever bet

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Pensioner Burt 'old git' Jackson, 100, wins his first ever bet
Mugbet blasts ‘old git’ who backed first ever winner by filling in quickslip wrong.

Burt Jackson, 100, has annoyed the sh*t out of bookmaking giant Mugbet by winning his first ever bet.

After mistakenly filling in a quickslip with the ‘wrong’ horse the pensioner and army veteran who has never visited the ‘Payout’ counter made national news with his first win since the end of World War II.

Jackson said: “Shooting down Messerschmitts was easy; escaping the clutches of the SS in a concentration camp – a doddle, but trying to get a second favourite to win at Newcastle has proved impossible for the last seven decades.”

Hearing a bookmaker representative talk about ‘floods of money’ for the 11-10 favourite Wunder Tripe, Jackson took their advice, staking £30 of his army pension on a Quickslip in his local Mugbet shop.

However, the centurion who suffers from cataracts ticked the wrong selection.

Instead of backing ‘No. 2’, the grandad of seventeen ticked ‘No.12’, 10-1 outsider Jimmy Jumpsuit – second string stablemate to the favourite – who duly romped in by a distance.

Riot

Keith Vim from Mugbet said: “The old git shouldn’t have got paid out. However, because we didn’t want a riot we gave him his winnings. As a compromise he’s banned from every shop in the world with immediate effect.”

Jackson said: “I always thought ‘treat betting as a bit of fun’ meant losing your arse. They wanted me to back the favourite, so I did – but I got the numbers muddled up.”

“I was going to treat my grand kids, but winners are really hard to come by, so I’m getting Champagne and strippers instead.”

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Betting

‘Bullsh*t warnings’ on betting blogs have no effect

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Bullsh*t warnings on betting blogs have no effect on punters whatsoever

Bullsh*t warnings on trainers’ and jockeys’ betting blogs – such as ‘damage to finance’ and ‘may contain BS’ – do not work.

A study found that trainers’ bookie betting blogs carrying the warnings that they may be dangerous to punters’ finances have absolutely no impact on the consumer whatsoever.

The 1-year analysis from Scutter University looked into caveats displayed on blogs written on behalf of trainers so that bookmakers can profit from promoting false favourites and second favourites with no chance.

While warning gamblers about ‘made up rubbish’, the study found that in 92% of examined cases, punters took absolutely no notice.

Professor Gareth Timms, survey coordinator said: “Punters took absolutely no notice of the warnings, but in their defence the writing was upside down, back to front or in a foreign language in many cases.”

“The need for the blog to display a clear warning no less than 2% of the entire article size meant that it was like trying to read font size 3 – or ‘micropscopic’ writing, often in a pale coloured typeface.”

Maxwell Benson from Mugbet said: “Despite our warnings written in Sanskrit, no one gives a toss – they still enjoy losing money, which suits us fine.”

Worth over £150,000 per year, trainers’ betting blogs are an absolute godsend for high profile yards struggling to scrape by on £3 million per year prize money.

For bookmakers they are a perfect way to obtain photographic and promotional material from equine star sportsmen – and absolutely nothing to do with gaining knowledge of which horses are not ‘off’ from top yards with incredible numbers of beaten favourites or second favourites.

Punter Gareth Timms said: “I’ve read the warnings but the trainer betting blogs are a brilliant way of losing cash. Read them and bet on what it says: you’re guaranteed VIP status in no time!”

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