“Weren’t we supposed to lose?” horse asks jockey

"We were meant to finish last because we were 7-2 second favourite and I distinctly remember the words 'tailed off' being used."

All was going to plan as Archer sat held up 40 lengths detached from the field in the ‘Lose Twenty Grand with Mugbet get 6p in free bets’ 2 mile handicap hurdle.

But, drama unfolded as his nine opponents either fell or ran out – leaving him as the only finisher.

"He could have baled out, or fallen off. I have nothing more to say on the matter."

Taking on the morning racing television programme his firm sponsors, Mugbet’s head of Communications, Keith Vim said: “Archer still hasn’t got the message: we pay him sh*t loads of cash to lose and talk rubbish, but he still thinks he should win.

• Horse bored sh*tless in lockdown

“Torture is now an option.

“Forcing him to sit through a whole hour of one of our betting shop TV pundits drivel on about “well backed” runners seems a good place to start.”

Archer said: “Please, anything but that – give me thumb screws or waterboard. I promise to change.”

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