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Area 51 to host Secret UK Barrier Trials

Only Area 51 guards, aliens living on the complex and bookmakers will be privy to the hushed-up UK ‘training races’.

Sherbie Johnson

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UK Barrier Trials will remain top secret at bookmakers base at Area 51

UK Barrier Trials are so top secret they will now take place at the bookmaker’s facility in the highly classified US Air Force base located within the Nevada Test and Training Range.

Only Area 51 guards, aliens living on the complex and bookmakers will be privy to the hushed-up UK 'training races'.

Area 51 Guard, Tarquin Bibby said: “While New Zeeland, Australia and Hong Kong Barrier Trials are documented, filmed and made accessible to the public, and where South African runners have Barrier Trials listed in their race form, we’re not able to confirm or deny the existence of the UK Barrier equivalent.”

Recent Barrier Trial winner 2-year old Jimmy Jumpsuit said: “Things are top secret round here, I'm not even allowed to speak to any of the fillies.

"We get flown 80 miles North West of Las Vegas and driven to a compound where the little grey men with massive heads and black eyes take their orders from bookmakers.

“They told me if I talk to you about my Barrier Trial win, they’d chop my cock off with a laser cannon - it happened to my brother, now he runs with 'G' next to his name.”

Area 51 to host Secret UK Barrier Trials
UK Barrier Trials are so top secret they will now take place at the bookmaker’s facility in the highly classified Area 51 base

Grey Alien Gareth Timms said: “Look mate, I’d love to tell you more but the bookmakers in charge threatened to kill me if I gave you any tips.”

“The flying saucers are just to distract you away from the Barrier Trials and prevent you lot knowing anything about those souped-up first-time-out winners.”

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    24th February 2020 at 1:31 pm

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